Conversaciones

Systemic and Postmodern Psychology

“I believe the greatest gift I can conceive from anyone is to be seen, heard, understood and touched by them. The greatest gift I can give is to see, hear, understand and touch another person. When this is done, I feel contact has been made”
-Virginia Satir-

Therapy is an encounter between client and therapist where a relationship of mutual respect, honesty, genuine commitment and shared responsibility is built.

With an established common goal depending on the client´s needs, the aim is to let creativity flow through conversation and consider the problem from different angles; with the result that new solutions and possibilities arise where before there seemed to be none.

THERE ARE ALWAYS
EXCEPTIONS TO THE PROBLEM!
REDISCOVER AND REBUILD YOUR
STRENGTHS AND VIRTUES.
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THERAPY IS A PLACE WHERE
YOU CAN DISCOVER YOUR OWN WAY,
FINDING ANSWERS TO
SITUATIONS AND CHALLENGES OF LIFE.
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THE MOST IMPORTANT AND PREVALENT
FACTOR IN THERAPY IS YOU,
YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR STORIES,
YOUR NEEDS.
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There are always ups and downs, in other words, times when the problem is not that severe or even absent. Often concern and worry dominate us and blur our vision, so we don´t even recognize the moments when the problem is absent. We often feel that the problem dominates our lives and we fail to realize that it is not that powerful if we do not give it the power. We can have and do have control over the problem to some extent. We have many resources and capabilities of improving our living situation but we are not able to see them when the problem seems to cast a shadow on them. One aim of therapy is to remove this shadow and to rediscover and (re)build strengths and virtues.

There is no such thing as the one and only reality, there are so many realities as points of views. Therefore therapy does not focus on the "truth", but on the experiences and feelings of an individual person. Nor is there a single, correct way to live life, but every person has to find its own way and happiness. Therapy is a place where you can find your own way, where you won´t be told what to do, but you will be actively attended in your search for answers to situations and challenges of life.

As Milton Erickson said: "The worldview of each person is as unique as their fingerprints. There are not two people alike. Therefore, when dealing with people, try not suit them into your idea of how it should be ...". In other words always adapt the therapy to the person and not the person to therapy. The most important and prevalent factor in therapy is you, your beliefs, your stories, your needs!

Conversaciones

Systemic and Postmodern Psychology

There is no such thing as a "broken family." Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart.
-C. JoyBell C-

Family therapy aims at developing new ways of interaction between different family members, improving family relationships, creating mutual understanding within the family and emotional support for one another. The goal is to create an atmosphere of understanding for all family members, so they can find new ways of communicating and relating to each other.

A family therapy may be indicated when the quality of relationships in the family is impaired or when one or more members of the family do not feel good in these relationships.

In family therapy all participants have their say and the opportunity to describe the situation from their point of view. This is often the first step towards improving the relational climate within the family as they talk and listen to each other in the presence of a moderator which can be a relief.
Goals are jointly developed, such as: What should change? What should stay the same? How should the family situation be like when the therapy concludes?

The aim of the therapy is to raise awareness of family resources and strengths so that members can use them in a suitable way for themselves. Each family has its own history, identity and strengths. It is the therapist's task not "to teach them the right way" as a specialist in order to solve their current problems, but to create a space and to initiate a conversation in which the family can find their own solution and their own way.

Another aim is to jointly elaborate (between family and therapist) new strategies for problem solving in different crises and transition situations (e.g. death of a family member).

It is noteworthy that this process takes into account the aspects of the life cycle of a family, as different stages bear different challenges which have to be faced and to which the family has to adapt. (e.g. a family with young children or a family with teenage children).

Conversaciones

Systemic and Postmodern Psychology

“There are two things children should get from their parents: roots and wings.”
-J. W. von Goethe-

Systemic family therapy has proven to be very effective in the treatment and prevention of a variety of emotional and behavioral problems in children and adolescents.

Systemic therapy for children and adolescents is based on the assumption that the behavior and identity of children emerge primarily from their family relationships and conditions. A child or a young person usually does not have the power and autonomy to make important changes in life. The support of parents / primary caregivers is required to find new ways of behaving and relating. Therefore, when a child presents a problem, it is more effective to treat it in conjunction with the close family system.

By including the child´s most significant persons in the therapy process, it is easier to generate a comprehensive understanding of what afflicts the parents and the child; and how they have dealt with this situation so far. Many times, parents have tried to solve and deal with the problems of their children, nevertheless conflicts can become even worse, which can generate feelings of helplessness and frustration.

Paradoxically, and regardless of the efforts made by the parents to improve the situation, behavioral problems that interfere with the child's development are commonly originated and maintained in the family system.

Some topics that can be addressed in therapy are:

Aggressiveness and violent behavior
Social skills deficit
Disobedience
Eating disorders
Substance use / abuse
Self-injury
Depression
Anxiety

Conversaciones

Systemic and Postmodern Psychology

“You and I: We are one. I can not hurt you without hurting me”.
-Mahatma Gandhi-

Many times we do not express what we really feel and think in a relationship because we are afraid of damaging it beyond repair. Paradoxically, talking about these important things can often save the relationship. Thinking that our partner already knows how we feel is a mistake that leads us to retain information required to generate a relationship of understanding.

The modern couple faces specific challenges characterized by the times we are living in. The roles that men and women play in their relationship are no longer rigidly defined by society; this gives them more liberty to choose their own way. However, couples have to negotiate their roles in a way that both can cover their needs. Often such negotiation is not carried out consciously or openly and partners do not realize that their efforts to satisfy the needs of the other partner are based on the assumption that the other thinks and feels the same way.

It may happen that in a continuous process (which is not conciously perceived), dynamics of interaction develop that may damage or even destroy the emotional basis which is fundamental for both partners. The relationship becomes confusing, conflictual and difficult.

It is also important to look at the beliefs and assumptions of both members of the couple rooted in their history, family of origin and life experience. These beliefs are acquired both consciously and unconsciously and directly influence our way of relating with one another. Therefore they may be part of the conflict.

For example, our social beliefs and concepts about the gender issue determine our identity, our way of relating, positioning ourselves and taking on roles within a relationship. We rarely ask ourselves what it means to be a man / woman and which behaviors we derive from these meanings. Frequently there are hidden assumptions rooted in patriarchal social hegemony that limit the possibility of a genuine relationship and coexistence. Analyzing these assumptions and discarding those that obstruct us, can be liberating for both men and women.

Couple therapy is effective in acute conflicts or crisis as well as for the discussion of existential relationship issues in the evolution of a relationship (e.g.: Where are we now? Where are we going?).

Common areas of therapeutic work include:

Ineffective communication.
Continuous conflicts without solution.
Infidelity and problems caused by jealousy.
Poorly defined personal boundaries and roles.
Domestic violence (physical and psychological among other forms).
Poor autonomy of each member (emotional dependence).
Strong resistance to change (inability to accept and adapt to evolutionary changes of the relationship).
Separation processes (in couples with children the work is realized around two axes: 1) marital relation and 2) parenting).
Issues of intimacy and sexuality.
Expectations for the future.
Problems in the family and social context affecting the relationship.

”Everybody can get angry, that's easy. But getting angry at the right person, with the right intensity, at the right time, for the right reason and in the right way - that's hard.”
-ARISTÓTELES-

Conversaciones

Systemic and Postmodern Psychology

If you want to be happy, be.
-Leon Tolstoi-

Experience shows that usually clients already dispose of the resources and strengths required for the desired change, but they are not aware of them, as the problem seems to have cast a shadow on them. It is the therapist's task to uncover all these resources together with the client so that he can use them to obtain the desired change.

The workflow depends on the client’s needs, thus it is the task of the therapist to adapt the therapy to the client. Each person forms his reality and truth from his life and experiences. Therefore therapy does not focus on what is the "truth", but the experiences and feelings of the person. There is no such thing as a correct way to live life, but everyone has to find their way and happiness. The objective is to create a secure environment of trust where the client can feel safe and find new ways of dealing with certain situations.

Also, it is often important to review the belief system the client has built since childhood and sometimes rigidly and unconsciously sustained as it may impede the solution of the problem. Meaning and significance of certain experiences of the person have to be assessed and new views have to be opened allowing to give these experiences a new meaning and to see them from another perspective.

When the conversation is conducted only with the client, without the participation of persons of his significant social system, it is the therapist's task to bring these persons to the session in a symbolic way and to give them a voice. In this way it is possible to work upon relationships with others.

“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you”
-WILLIAM PAUL YOUNG-